Ron White A novel begining you must read.

There Is something Ironic about borrowing from a slacker

I have sat down before many times, but nothing like that time. Inside my heart I knew it was different. I tried to understand why the pain rushed through the soles of even my toes. Would I ever understand the complexity of what it meant? Of course not but I play the scenes of my life over and over in my ever breaking mind. Tears slowly accumulate at the bottom of my face just about to ruin the dry surface of the ground. You see in these times you turn and go to the one person in the entire world you can talk to. To me Ron White I can’t say hello let alone hold a conversation. I once heard a man say, “saying goodbye isn’t the hardest thing saying hello is.”
I’m calm now there’s no reason to worry. I just listen to some soft music to soothe my soul and let it digress. You could say to me, but Ron you where just saying how sad you where. You don’t understand the entirety of my problem. Listen, I feel no emotion, but my body tells me when I have had enough and times like these happen where I sit down; I know that I am not going to get up. Though I stood corrected for my words I thought rushed out of me like a rabbit in a fox hole.

Couple weeks ago or more like 3 weeks 2 days and 12 hours and 12 minutes ago I did it I really did it. It feels good now to look back at that God like moment in time that I experienced. Every one should feel what I felt. It started out like every morning blogging on my specific website. Then left for my desk job at the greediest company in the state or so I would think. On my way to my lonely apartment I decided to go and get something that truly gets me away for awhile, into the life of someone gorgeous and confident. Walking into Blockbuster I turn and go to the back section where the new releases where.

“Excuse me,” The most unearthly voice I have ever heard spoke into my ear.

“Uh……yes………………….” The only thing I could sputter out in the moment.

I turn around to see the woman every man dreams of marrying walk by me to her six and a half pack warrior of a man. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………silence……………….enters my heart- I lie to my self- I feel emotion ahhh…………………………… …………..I have to get out of here. I need to leave the forsaken menace named society behind go back to where I came from: Nowhere, nothing if I just had theme music you couldn’t stand to listen to it. I leave the store with my pride in my pocket, the little pocket inside jeans, and a film called In Time Morgan will Come.

This is such a routine pain I have its nothing any more. I talk as there’s really no pain, but you see my problem really makes emotional words exit me. Some times I catch myself staring outside the window of my car, and I stare. The world moves by quickly, but if you look at yourself you go nowhere. I just wish to look at the world of someone different, ahhhh just for second. I’d give anything just to see if I am the only one in this world with this much pain. You have to understand, sometimes in the blanket of darkness where the eyes of the world cant see I feel the pressure of a thousand gods pushing me into utter nothingness and silence. Yes I am silenced.

I return to my apartment open the door and walk in. Seems so ordinary and unexceptionable to any standards, but my habitual ways enter and I don’t think because I don’t want to. To much is involved with thinking perceives the brain into doing things either it wants to do or has to. So I wash my plate of spaghetti and place it inside the dishwasher. I turn to my bedroom and stop, thinking of what to wear for the movie. Small things like this give me joy in this world. Its nothing to the eyes of the man who has conquered the world, but for Ron White I’m struggling to conquer this apartment. With my sweat pants and my Detroit Red Wings jersey on I move to my computer to see if total strangers have taken a leap of no promise into my words that only there give any meaning. Not much just people talking of their lives and what’s happening in it; If mine just had something, but I cant lie to myself the world is obsolete to me. I move onwards though to my movie, where I hope that it can ease my troubled mind from letting go.

Lately even movies have been aggravating me, they make so many mistakes and I can’t help but to see them. Pet Peeves are the three of only 5 things that can anger me, but its no steroid rage that hits Ron, its more of a irritating mix of scratching, poking and thus screaming in the inner control center of my life. Many can ask the question why would you talk about what aggravates you? The problem of my life is the problem the faces every thing that I cannot.

END OF PART 1